Oaths And Promises To God - The Legalistic view Of Marriage

Preachers continue to tell us that it is an oath we have made before God, which makes us man and wife. 

We know that oaths were seen as a solemn and binding agreement during the old covenant.  As we read previously in the interaction between Abraham and his servant: "Swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites." (Gen. 24:3)  However, we are not under the old covenant.  When Jesus was speaking to people about divorce and adultery, he also told them, “You have heard that it was said to people long ago, ‘Do not brake your oaths, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.’  But I tell you, do not swear at all, either by heaven, for it is God’s throne, or by the earth, for it is God’s footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King.  And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black.  Simply let your yes be yes, and your no, no, anything more than this comes from the evil one.” (Matt. 5:33-35).  

And again it says, “Above all, my brothers, do not swear- not by heaven or by earth or by anything else.  Let your ‘Yes’ be yes, and your ‘No’ no, or you will be condemned.” (James 5:12) 

We are specifically told in Scripture, not to swear oaths!  Yet church-goers are told that if they do not stand before a congregation and take an oath, they are not married.  When Adam married Eve there was no public ceremony (there was no public), there were no oaths, and there was no legally binding contract.  There was simply a man, a woman and God!  This is the example that Jesus chose to use when he spoke about marriage.

In contrast, I recently heard a local Pastor preaching about marriage.  He told his congregation, ‘the essence of marriage is a covenant, is a contract, is something that locks us in to this place where we are committed and covenanted and bound together’.  He said that marriage needed to be a ‘public ceremony’ with ‘witnesses’.  He said, it is ‘legally binding’.   He offered no scriptural reference for these statements, but went on to tell his congregation about the seriousness of old covenant oaths.  He said, ‘Biblically, if you look through the Old Testament, a covenant had three components to it - it was binding, it was done publicly, and it was a legal agreement.  It’s a public declaration, so it’s legally binding.’   He then went on to tell his congregation about the blessings and curses associated with such old covenant oaths.  Still, he offered no scriptural reference, which applies any of these things to marriage.   We already know, from the examples in the previous chapter, that marriage between a man and woman was not necessarily a public event.  Scripture clearly tells us that the man and woman were joined privately, in a “home” (Deut. 21:10-13) or a “tent” (Gen. 24:62-67).  

When a pastor feels the need to tell his congregation about old covenant oaths and their associated curses, to make them understand the seriousness of the marriage - it is obvious that he has missed the point completely.

Scripture simply tells us; “A man must love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Eph. 5:22)  The Lord Jesus died for the church!  Isn’t that serious enough? 

A marriage ceremony is a good thing, if the couple’s motives are true.  It is a joyous occasion for the couple and for those who attend.  But this is not what makes a man and woman "man and wife"; it is simply a celebration of their decision to become man and wife.

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In spite of what Scripture actually tells us, this local Pastor continued to preach the traditions of his denomination, and twisted Scripture to make it fit those traditions.  The pastor was preaching from Ephesians Chapter five, verses 21 -33.  He described the passage to his congregation this way: ‘this is the longest passage of scripture that deals with marriage and family in the Bible’. 

Over and over again, he told his congregation that this was the longest passage of scripture on the subject of marriage and family.  It should strike us all as odd, that this preacher was pushing the idea of vows and public ceremonies with witnesses so emphatically, while the Bible passage, which he describes as, ‘the longest on the subject’, says nothing about a need for such things. 

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There are two problems with the pastor’s claim that Eph. 5:21-33 is the longest passage of scripture relating to marriage and family.  Firstly; it is not the longest passage of scripture on the subject at all.  Secondly; the essence of the passage (which continues through to Eph. 6:9)) is not actually marriage.  This passage of scripture is specifically about authority and submission.  Marriage is just one of the examples that Paul used in regard to submission to authority.  Ironically (and sadly) this is the very thing that the local pastor denies in his preaching (more about that later in ‘The Authority of the Husband’).

This question must be asked:  If there are no laws regarding wedding ceremonies even in the old covenant, why are we judging people by such laws now?  “The law is only a shadow of the good things that are coming—not the realities themselves.” (Heb. 10:1)

The reality is not in the law, but in how we live our lives to worship God:  “God is spirit, and his worshippers must worship in spirit and truth.” (John 4:24)  So what is the reality – what is the truth in this matter?  Jesus spoke about two sons, to show us what actually pleases God.  “What do you think?  There was a man who had two sons.  He went to the first and said, ‘son, go and work today in the vineyard’.  ‘I will not’, he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.  Then the father went to the second son and said the same thing.  He answered, ‘I will sir’, but he did not go.  Which of the two did what his father wanted?  ‘The first’, they answered.” (Matthew 21:28-31)

So it is with marriage:  The first couple says, ‘We will live together’.  Neither of them have ever been with another – they move into a house together and they remain faithful to one another for life. 

The second couple have a ceremony in a ‘church’, during which, they are declared to be ‘joined by God’.  They have witnesses to their vows and a wedding certificate.  However, when things become difficult in their marriage, they get divorced.   Which ones have honoured marriage the way that God intended?  “The first!”  Yet it is the first couple whom the legalists claim are living in sin.

It is not the one who simply says, “I will” who pleases the Father, but the one who actually does what is commanded!   As James tells us, “Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says”! (James 1:22)

If a ceremony in a ‘church’ and the associated vows are truly what constitutes marriage, then re-marriage could never be seen as “adultery”, because the ceremony would make them man and wife.  However, according to the Lord Jesus himself, ‘re-marriage’ while your first spouse is still alive is actually adultery! 

In spite of this, the local Pastor told the members of his congregation that they should not feel guilty about being divorced.  In regard to guilt he said, ‘That’s not the work of God.’   Really?  He told his congregation that feeling guilt was not the work of God?  Yes, he did – he actually said it!  What did the Lord Jesus say about the subject?  “Unless I go away, the Counsellor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you.  When he comes, he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgement:” (John 16:7-8)  It is the work of the Holy Spirit to convict us of guilt in regard to sin.  How can we repent if we do not feel guilt in regard to sin?  We are clearly told, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” (James 5:16)  How can we confess something as a sin if we are denying that it is sin?  If we don’t feel guilt in regard to sin, what will stop us from doing the same thing over and over?

Sadly, it is common now for people who have been divorced to go into a ‘church’ and have a ceremony, during which a clergyman declares them to be ‘joined by God’.   However, according to the Lord Jesus, this is not true.  For he said,  “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (Matt. 19:9)  This is not changed by a ceremony.  If a man divorces his wife and marries another, he commits adultery.  The Lord has told us again, “and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery with her.” (Matt. 5:32)  It is obvious, that even when a couple have been through a church ceremony and have spoken the vows and have signed a certificate of marriage; they can still be committing adultery with one another! 

It is not a ceremony or the associated vows that join a man and woman together!  Neither is the union ended by another ceremony (a divorce).  And that is why ‘remarriage’ after divorce is called “adultery”; because the first spouse (the true spouse) is still alive, and marriage is life long.  “A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives.  But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.” (1 Cor. 7:39)  Certificates and ceremonies do not change the facts.  It is God who joins us together.  

According to the Australian bureau of statistics and similar organisations in the U.K. and U.S.A, the average length of a marriage that ends in divorce is around eleven years.  These are people who had a legal ceremony and signed a marriage certificate - yet they are now divorced!  Did the legal contract and the public ceremony hold them together?  NO!  Because it is generally understood that if two people agree to enter into a legal contract - those two people can also agree to dissolve it.  

Believers entering into this relationship must understand that it is life long.  But, to make this relationship about a ‘legally binding contract’ , which must be signed in a church in front of witnesses during a ceremony officiated by some kind of clergyman, is simply a law made up by men.  

There is nothing wrong with calling a marriage a ‘covenant’.  After all, Scripture compares marriage to the churches relationship with Christ, and that is a covenant.  But do those who belong to the body of Christ need a certificate to prove that they are Christian?  Will the Lord be checking our paperwork on the day of judgement?  Of course not!  “For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due to him for things done while in the body, whether good or bad.” (2 Cor. 5:10)  We will not be judged according to our paperwork, or by things we have promised to do, but according to the things we have actually done, "whether good or bad"! 

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Why do theologians want to make people believe that the ‘legal ceremony’ is the important thing?  The answer is simple.  They need to see people obeying their laws, because it makes them feel like they are in control.  Then they can pat themselves on the back and say- ‘Look what I have done for God’. 

“They do not know the righteousness that comes from God and seek to establish their own.” (Rom. 10:3)  They seek to establish their own righteousness by making more laws to be obeyed in the sight of men.  Men judge by human standards (by what they see).  

Sadly, the way denominational churches have placed so much emphasis on the legal ceremony, has given the world a twisted view of marriage.   It has made these people envious, and now they demand their right to the same ‘event’ – even between two men! 

In truth, when a man unites with another man, (or a woman with another woman) it is not marriage!  It never will be marriage!  The laws of Australia or any other nation will not change that fact.  It does not matter how many ceremonies these people have; they will never be married.  It is God who joins a man and woman together as ‘man and wife’.   It is obvious that God does not join homosexual offenders together:  “They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator – who is ever praised.  Amen.  Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts.  Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones.  In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another.  Men committed indecent acts with other men and received in themselves the due punishment for their perversion.” (Rom. 1:25-27)

The world’s politics and laws should be left to the world.  Their shame is on their own heads.  We do not live by law, but by faith.  Our challenge is not convincing the pagans to live holy lives, but to live holy lives among them;  “Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may se your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.” (1 Peter 2:12)